How to Grow Your Body Confidence

(at any shape, size, or fitness level)

I was thinking about this during savasana at the end of yoga class this morning, because I often struggle to clear my mind and just let the thoughts pass over me. Sometimes I lean into the thoughts and just explore them instead of letting them fly away.

(Meditation: Not my strong suit though I do work on it.)

I remember starting my yoga practice back in late 2019. Not on purpose. I've suffered from chronically sore shoulders for my entire adult life and a big whack of my teenage years too. To the point where the shoulder massage circles we sometimes got going in my dorm in high school would be the highlight of my days. Even though massage never really did anything to make the shoulder pain go away for real. It just felt nice in the moment.

Anyway, Chel had found this graphic that showed some physical therapy-type stretches for shoulder pain and shared it in the group chat. Out of desperation, I tried them and they helped! As they did for her.

All the stretches were actually yoga poses repackaged as pain relief. Cat/cow, eagle arms, cow face arms (which I absolutely could not perform to the fullest expression of the pose until I'd been trying for MONTHS). We realized they were yoga poses and then Chel found a video on YouTube of a yoga class for back and shoulder pain. It was 45 minutes long and at first I really didn't think I could commit to it. After just one try, however, I was IN because it was the first thing that had EVER actually relieved the shoulder pain for longer than the length of a massage or stretching session.

That video turned out to be an unauthorized rip of a Leah Sugerman class that was paywalled in a yoga app. It disappeared from YouTube (because, again, unauthorized rip). So we got the app and the rest is history.

I figured that since I'm paying for the app, might as well try some of the other classes on it. I picked short, beginner-friendly ones. Struggled so hard, but felt so good afterwards that I kept going. And felt so much better every time I realized I could do a pose I hadn't been able to do before, that I just wanted to keep going.

(Side note: I'm actually taking Leah's yoga teacher training now and so proud to consider her a friend because she is THE BEST PERSON I LOVE YOU LEAH)

But there was something else going on as I dove deeper into the whole yoga thing, and that was that my confidence in my physicality was growing by leaps and bounds.

Nothing to do with the size or shape of my body, as I mentioned in the Instagram reel that this post grew out of. My body looked fine to my taste anyway. That's not the point.

The more I learned to do with my body and the more I learned that my body is capable of things beyond my lifelong learned expectations, the more confident I grew in my physicality. In how I inhabit this meat suit I've been given and how much space it deserves to take in the world. And so many more lessons grew out of that too. I went from being too intimidated to even take a beginner-friendly yoga class in person around other people with working eyes, to planning to teach live classes as soon as I get my certification. And getting to classes at the studio I go to early so I can snag a spot up front. (Though that’s more because I have some mild auditory processing stuff going on and it’s much easier for me when I’m close to the teacher.)

It really, truly doesn't matter what shape or size or ability level your body is at. Something magical happens when you flip the switch from giving (and asking of) yourself the bare minimum, to honoring yourself.

You start believing you can do more and you deserve more. Your confidence blossoms. In my experience, it's especially true with physicality. But it doesn't happen through pithy Instagram affirmations. It happens through practicing respect for your meat suit.

Consider the previous paragraphs the long life story that precedes a recipe on a recipe blog. Here's the recipe for greater body confidence no matter where you're starting from.

1. Learn to do one thing with your body that you couldn't before: Doesn't have to be anything crazy. If you can't touch your toes, try it every day and every day try to get a little closer. Use a towel or a strap or some other prop if you need to. Stretch until you feel the tension in the backs of your legs. Breathe into it. Relax into the tension. And the next day, try again.

If you struggle to carry the grocery bags, engage your core and work on your functional strength. Can't do a push-up? Try to build up to one, by actually trying. The biggest boost to my confidence in my physicality came when I realized that I can learn to do things with my body that I couldn't before. Belief in your capacity for growth is huge.

2. Learn to do things with your body in the presence of others: I think a lot of us have this struggle. We might feel okay doing physical things in the privacy of our homes but terrified of doing them where others can see. It took me a couple of years of practicing yoga at home before I even thought about joining a local yoga studio.

The thing is, when you do start doing these things around other people, you realize: EVERYONE is more concerned with their own performance than they are with whatever you're doing. If you're fighting for your life in some movement, trust me, so are others. You feel every minute wobble because you're inhabiting your body and you're aware. No one else sees it and even if they do, they've either been there before or they are there now. We are all much more focused on piloting our own meat suits than we are on observing each other. Realizing that is incredibly freeing.

3. Join a community of friends to grow with together: This grows out of #2. I personally think group yoga or other fitness classes are an amazing way to invest in your body confidence. I know lots of us are on tight budgets in This Economy, so I'm not saying splash out hundreds on a fancy gym or hardcore studio membership. If you're kind of a beginner at developing your physicality, it likely won't be fun to jump headfirst into that kind of scenario anyway.

Look for free, donation-based, or low-cost community activities. Depending on your location, there may be exercise classes in the park (I see a lot on the beach here), hiking groups that organize via Facebook or Meetup, or classes at the Y or at local schools.

Going back to doing things with your body in the presence of others: I find that classes like this tend to attract others who are starting out or not at an advanced level of athleticism. Not only is it less intimidating, but moving your body in a group with others at your level can create real bonds and friendships as you grow together! And if that's too much human contact or scheduling hassle, even an online group of like-minded people can help.

Isolation is often absolutely devastating for mental health and confidence. It's so easy to get trapped in your own head, where everyone seems so much better than you. Putting yourself out among others brings you back into the reality of the world, where we are all struggling with something and our struggles are something that can bring us together.

4. Add one food or drink that's chosen for how it fuels your body: This is part of honoring our meat suits.

I've said this before about skincare and other forms of self-care a bunch of times over the last 10 years. When we do something for our own care, we teach ourselves that we are worth that care. I find that this holds true with what we eat too.

I'm not saying totally change your diet. I'm not saying take anything out or cut anything back. I'm saying just add one thing that you choose, mindfully, because it will nourish and benefit your body on a health level. It could be as simple as a glass of water a day if you generally don't drink water. It could be a piece of fruit. It could be a handful of nuts. Anything that you choose because you know it will benefit your body. Making that one mindful choice a day helps rewire the brain to think in terms of what will make your body feel better and perform better. And that in turn helps rewire the brain to think of your body as a body that deserves that care.

5. If you habitually use filters or other editing tools to enhance your appearance online, STOP: Seriously.

I'm super anti-filter as a general rule. I understand sometimes smoothing out a blemish or correcting clothing that didn't quite fall right and this isn't about that. I'm talking about the habit of using filters and apps to drastically alter your features and body shape in order to look "better" on social media or dating apps or just your own camera roll.

It's not good for the mind. The more you create a different, "better" face or body for yourself in the digital world, the more upsetting and ugly you'll find your real face or body in the real world. Forget about false advertising because I'm not talking to content creators here. I'm talking to you. I understand insecurity and I get the impulse to try to "fix" things before posting. But we are constantly teaching our brains what to see and what to expect, including in the mirror of ourselves. If you teach your brain to expect to see your yassified self, and you teach your brain that your yassified self is the good self, you're going to feel more and more like shit when you're confronted with the reality of your physicality in person. So. Stop.

6. STAND UP STRAIGHT: You know the saying "fake it till you make it"? Posture is an incredible way to fool yourself into gaining more confidence.

The mind-body connection is powerful. If you can train yourself to carry yourself as if you have confidence, it teaches your brain that you have confidence. As an added bonus, people tend to take more note of you and respond more positively to you if you carry yourself with confidence. That positive reinforcement is also powerful. So stand up straight, hold your chin high, put your shoulders back, and walk with pride. You deserve the space you take in the world!